I have two letters for you this week. I will publish the second later in the week. This first expresses doubt when her Master has become distant.


I have found your site and seek your advice.

I have only just begun my training following a long, intense and passionate verbal courting. We have shared our commitment as master husband and submissive wife to be together in all things as we explore this new life together, planning for marriage, the merging of our lives, our resources. His is my love, my master in mind, body and soul. I am his now.

Over the past four days he has become distant. Honestly, he is busy with family issues that cropped up suddenly and I believe weigh greatly upon his mind. And yet, he will not speak to me, only text me and tell me he has a lot on his mind right now, apologizing for the lack of communication. I cannot help but think he is second guessing our relationship, and yet, he has told me we are ok and that he loves me.

I will not speak or think ill of him. I feel secure in his love for me, and in mine for him. I stride to master my emotions and paranoia with writing, walking. Yet doubt creeps on quiet feet, making me feel cut off, from my love, my guiding force, insecure.

Perhaps this is part of my training? Perhaps this is merely the vanilla part of our lives? So I am patient, silent. He is so strong, and I want to be there for him, but I do not wish to overstep my sub bounds. And yet, I fear.

Your thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thank you.


I think if it was part of your training that he should have explained this to you. Otherwise it could be in he realm of issues I discussed in "A Kind Dom" about emotional sadism. Like you I cannot read his mind to understand the real reason for the change. He has tried to reassure you and has told you he loves you so for now perhaps you should be optimistic. It might just be that he has other major issues to deal with at the moment - but it will be worrying for you to know that this distance can come between you.

I am concerned though that he will not speak to you and will only text. He must know you are worried and a few words might reassure you.

So I am unsure too. I wonder what others think?

- Pygar